Impressionable Fabulous Poetry @ Wanstead (Archived)

[Please note that this blog post was archived in November' 23 to reflect on this September '23 event]

What a fabulous debut to have! I had never heard of Wanstead Fringe until about a month ago and as I love all things art, performance art, all things poetry and Fringe, I just had to find out more. More so, my eagerness to participate was due to the circumstance of being offered a headlining show at Lagos Fringe (in Nigeria) this November, but as the arrangements were becoming far too complex, that booking could not suffice. Therefore I needed to make other plans, and ideally with other Fringe festivals, and here we are.

I'm so glad that I came across this one as it was in an area that I was unfamiliar with, and with Poets that I had not heard of thus everything was new. Moreover, everyone from the Event Organisers (the lovely Chloe) to the audience members and fellow performers, could not have been more welcoming. A cohesive, friendly attitude is not the norm people! Least of all in the world of performing arts/entertainment let me tell you! So this rarity was much valued and enjoyed by the likes of myself and no doubt by everyone else involved.

The venue was nice and quaint, between the cafe area and the performance area. The performance area was perfect for a poetry event. It was an intimate but plentiful setting at the same time, as there was a great turn out. It felt very 'community' like and considering that small Fringe festivals typically target local communities to showcase local talent, to entertain local audiences, my guess is that the locals here are proper patrons of this venue and are in true support of this event. It's beautiful to see, as I have seen in a few other places.

The background, vibe and layout of the tables and chairs reminded me greatly of the music venue 'The Bluebird Cafe' as seen in Nashville (the TV show about the country music industry). The Bluebird in the series was the iconic music bar, frequented by unknown turned famous Musicians to showcase their work. If you know then you know and I know what I'm saying ;-) 

Other than the obvious, the only stand out thing that made this venue feel different from Nashville's Bluebird, was the eye-catching painting of Cillian Murphy. Murphy is the Actor who features in the TV series Peaky Blinders (which I still haven't seen but wish that I caught the theatre production last year though). I know him more from Red Eye and Batman: The Dark Knight.

I absolutely love art, thus naturally gravitate towards various artworks but my word this was magnetic! The likeness was so brilliant, as in real life Murphy does have a striking face and interestingly enough I was debating the other day about him having a pretty face, weird face or menacing face. I'd say he's all of the above really however, as a Filmmaker I stood and stand by the statement of saying that he is perfectly cast in villainous roles. Subsequently, his face, expressions and the painting itself is menacing, yet intriguing and "pretty enough" to raise a smile. It pleasantly distracted me throughout the night. Although I did not get a clear picture of the portrait, hopefully you can spot the painting in the far corner of the background?

 

This may not mean anything to anyone but as a foodie, one who has a great soft spot for M&S (although like every other major retailer they have been slacking A LITTLE the past seven odd years), it pleased my evening and overall comfort greatly to discover a new fruit pack of theirs, that made sure I was sorted (my attitude and stomach) for the night, along with my other snacks. I'll describe that "foodgasmic" moment further on my food blog Deevah's Cravings, but "have ,mercy" did that fruit combo calm my commuting stress nerves and put me in a great mood upon arrival. Food, drinks, seating and toilet use/accessibility all matter a great deal for performers and it is often taken for granted by Promoters or Venue Managers in the gig world, just saying.

Anyway, appetite aside there was a night of extremely diverse, great, eclectic and unforeseen poetry. Very engaging and soothing indeed. I loved all of the variety that we (the entire line-up) had to offer and it seemed like the audience did too.

The poems that left very dear lasting impressions on me were the ones about a Carer's relationship with their patients, that the Poet added a little more theatrical flair to. The one's about their mothers, in specific regard to a Poet sharing his feelings of gratitude for his mother that passed away. Another Poet expressing her respect for her mother's strength in raising her and her sister under their difficult circumstances. The hilariously bold poem by a very charismatic Poet about a love and hate relationship he has towards his home town of Isle of Wight, which left much of the audience embarrassed to laugh at some of the shocking lines given.

I also appreciated the range of ages between us as well as our topics, since the line-up was not of a specific demographic age-wise. Therefore, different ages of the audience had more to appreciate in turn. Actually, the crowd was mainly middle-aged, mature/senior, with few young people and fewer teenagers, enthusiastically soaking in the poetry at this Fringe event.

The teenagers and questionably 'tween-agers' that being typically of 12-14yrs old, made me very concerned about the poems that I decided to perform. I was concerned for the mere fact that more than one of my poems were of adult content with some sexual references and I did not want to disturb their minds nor vex their parents. However, their mothers were present and permissively encouraged me to share what I wanted to share with their green-lit enthusiasm. And so I did. 

Being that I finally edited the final draft of my poem My King, which is to add to my long-awaited special edition of I'm All In. My word (no pun intended yet again), this was my 6th edit people! Good grief, editing is getting harder and painstakingly longer as the years go on, whereas I thought that aging would make me more decisive...but apparently not at least where my art is concerned.

Alas, I was very proud of what I did with this performance as it was cleverly and coincidentally linked in with Alice in Wonderland Day (yes it's a real thing in UK 4th July) when I completed an earlier draft of My King. Since the overall visionary theme of the book is adopted from Alice in Wonderland and is a spin-off of the initial collection's My Queen poem from the Love chapter, which is followed by Heaven...Wonderland in the Lust chapter. I collated all three poems for this event to make for a story, for the audience to take in, connect the symbolism of among themselves and so on. It was a fun, semi-interactive experience. Another one that I wish was officially recorded, although I saw a couple of individuals record some parts with their phones.

What was also really nice is that there was one lady who seemed to be at the event by the force of her mother, and was just there to oblige as opposed to really enjoying herself, but once I began to perform after having given my introduction, her face lit up and she was enjoying the show. Audience connections like that are priceless. The young lady later came up to me, confirming my thoughts and told me how happy she was that I came.

What always completes a performance is not just the applause but the adoring feedback and personal messages direct or indirectly that you get from the audience. The people that come up to you shyly, bashfully (depending on what they want to say) or excitedly to tell you how much they enjoyed your set and want to know where they can find out more about your work; via your products if any or your online presence. Although it can be overwhelming at times, it's fabulous! The Host who had never heard my poetry before and probably didn't know what to expect, was particularly happy and impressed with what she saw and heard from me, so much so that she repeated her thoughts on camera, as seen on my Instagram.

By the end of the night my feet were F'IN KILLING ME, for the worst time in a long time! Not just due to past surgeries for those who know my health history, but due to the debut use of the overdue exhibition of my unused, few birthdays old b'day present being gorgeous, blush pink aka salmon, suede platform stiletto, awfully pointed but well presented, not for walking, just for posing, matches my corset shirt dress, SHOES....yeah. Girly and to some silly, but I simply LOVE beautiful shoes like Cruella DeVil loves real fur, SO THERE! I say with my childish tone. To repeat my word of the day, I looked FABULOUS.

Until My Next Post,

Lauren

Appearing at Wanstead Fringe 2023

It has been a while since I have updated my blog, let alone informed my audience about a performance of mine in advance. I had my reasons. The past month has been great actually, productivity-wise, performance-wise and inspiration-wise. September 2023 has been full of unforeseen opportunities, welcomed offers and things to be grateful for.

In regards to performances it was a pleasure to perform at BYOB Box Park Wembley for the first time, performing a recently written crowd-pleasing poem that I debuted at Verses the month before. I saw some familiar faces (fellow Poets) and met many lovely new ones (Poets and audience members turned new fans), and I sold more books which never gets old. Although I recorded the audio of my performance, unfortunately it didn't record well. I wish there was footage of that night as my outfit alone was amazing if I do say so myself ;-) If anything useful comes up on social media from that night, I'll share it with you.

Two weeks ago I attended the launch night of a new variety show called Words & Whizzdom. This was to support another Poet who I met many years ago when she came to perform on the open mic of my poetry event, Poetic Justice. It's always nice to reconnect with people you have once shared a stage with. 

When you have been performing, promoting and event planning for as long as I have, the poetry and open mic circuit gets smaller and smaller, no matter how big it may be getting to the general public with today's notable amount of weekly poetry/spoken word events (in contrast to a few monthly events 5-10yrs ago), growing commercial names and constant newcomers. In saying that, I relished the ol' skool vibe of this event and seeing familiar acts from back in the day (both Poets and Comedians). Again, you should've seen my outfit, my shoes were just too cute! The heatwave has got me making an extra effort lol.

Anyway, I'm happy to announce that I'll be performing at the spoken word event as part of Wanstead Fringe Festival, along with other poetic headlining acts next week. Information is as follows:

WANSTEAD FRINGE FESTIVAL

SPOKEN WORD NIGHT

WED 27th SEPTEMBER 7pm-9:30pm

@ CITY PLACE

5 CLOCK HOUSE PARADE

WANSTEAD

LONDON, E11 2AG

ENTRY FEE: £8

The Power of a Maternal Figure

[As written on my FB page www.facebook.com/lkreeldeevah for Mother's Day 2023]

This beautiful painting was hung on the corridors of Heaven Hotel in Rwanda and caught my attention everyday, with its sweet family oriented endearment that reminds me of my mother and I.

To echo my sincere sentiments of my annual Mother's Day social posts; I really admire mother figures that come in all walks of life whether that be the Childminder/Nanny/Au Pair who took care of us with responsibility and warmth, a Teacher or Coach who truly cared about us getting ahead in life and our academic achievements, with great pride, encouragement and attention. A kind neighbour (I know someone who calls their neighbour "Aunty" which I think is so sweet as they are that close) who looked out for us on occasion "to add to the village who raises us". Honorary Aunties by action not just title or blood deserve a shout-out here!

And godmothers as I've always repped. The ones who go out of their way to be in their god children's lives and not just with gifts but literally be that extended family member. It's not about blood but about love. To stepmothers who go above and beyond to be an additional parent in the most maternal way in their step-child's life, whether they came into their life as an adult or youth. Too many times I hear of the "evil stepmother" complex, the disruptors who do not have the child's best interest at heart by abusing them or disrupting their relationship with their father (I recently heard this of a friend and it breaks my heart). My poem 'Steps' reflect the stepmothers that I am championing here in the best possible way.

What I referred to 2yrs ago in an old post but cannot find; are the rare and wonderful girlfriends of fathers who bond with you (if it applies) and genuinely wanted to get to know you, earn your trust as opposed to just get along with you for the sake of appearances or getting close to your dad. The ones who willingly accept the package deal so to speak, by making sure you don't feel left out, much love to them!

I respect the kind of female mentors that take someone under her wing and enjoys seeing them prosper, in a mother hen kind of way. Even the ones you may find in a gang for example (which I have witnessed) where they are the oldest and even though they may be getting up to no good as a bad influence, they genuinely look out for the youngings in the crew. Particularly with the more vulnerable ones that have no family/parents, is who they tend to be a mother figure to and I won't deny them that acknowledgement.

Not long ago I wrote and will always highlight, the many grandmothers that end up being the mother and primary guardian to their grandchildren just because life would have it that way, which is usually an economic issue (I sadly hear it in rap songs all the time- J. Cole most recently). When grandmothers move their grandchildren in willingly, with LOVE and responsibility which is technically a burden in any case, that burden is largely appreciated and valued by many individuals that had to be raised by their grandmothers as opposed to their birth mothers. More than one friend of mine comes to mind here, as well as Oprah Winfrey actually (listen to her podcast about her childhood).

I will unapologetically repeat that I am not praising every woman or every mother today. I am literally speaking to MATERNAL mother figures who lovingly and non-regrettably take on this significant role in someone's life.

There are a couple other poems of mine that I wrote years ago where I speak about people that didn't get the chance to be a mother yet due to unfortunate circumstances, where they desperately wanted it but may have miscarried or had a stillbirth and they feel robbed of motherhood. I referred to having hysterectomies, stillbirths and women who only got to enjoy pregnancy in the upcoming months (not to full term). I know there is little comparison and I cannot fully empathise, but to these real people who have lived through such experiences you do have my sympathy and my caring thoughts of you as a "real mother" nonetheless.

To the people that I know personally who are raising their children beautifully and as best they can, "Cheers to you" . To women that are currently expecting or even in labour today about to meet your babies for the first time, this is for you. For the single or young mothers who are really trying to provide and do well but are terrified and unsure of your selves; BE BRAVE, BE LOVING, APPROACH IT KINDLY and WISELY, just celebrate your motherhood today

For the new adoptive mothers who just got the legal approval of adoption and enjoying every moment of being a parent, which is such a beautiful thing (I'm thinking of a certain YouTuber going through this right now), this is for you . To women who have literally saved children (not just purchased a child from a poor country by the way, yeah I said it) and taken them in- not necessarily through the foster system but through a way of humanity where you know that you saved their life just by being supportive and caring in a maternal way that is seriously needed BIG UP YOU. This naturally applies to great foster mothers who also open their doors and theirs hearts to care for children in need. Support and love is everything, so if by any chance you have done that then this celebratory post is very much for you .

To birth mothers who raised children with love, grace, guidance, positive purpose and all the sacrifices and all the joys that came with it. I wish you a very happy Mother's Day

Lastly, I know this does not get said often but I know that there are many mothers who have made some big mistakes in their parenting and have fallen out with the children as a result. Some mistakes are more damaging than others, however as human beings we are all responsible for the decisions that we make so if you have been at fault in this regard (e.g. inflicted harm, pain or neglect as a mother) it is important to take the responsibility and own up to it as opposed to deny or blame your child (I see this common dysfunction far too often).

I say this not to shame but to actually give a SALUTE to the mothers who came to terms with where they have failed in motherhood, check themselves, CORRECT IT and have been ACTIVELY putting in the work to rebuild a relationship with their child/children. To be responsible, rebuild and repair is no easy task. Therefore, if you do not let those hurdles get in your way nor "unforgiveness" from either side get in your way and you're being a better mother, your love is still there, you're still showing it and you're still trying because your love for your child is unconditional, then I do very much wish you a "Happy Mother's Day Day too "

Lauren Kaye

The Power of Belief and Music

The one hit wonder Rapper M.I.M.S (This Is Why I'm Hot) said that his name stood for "Music Is My Savior" which I thought was great. Music certainly is my (and no doubt many others) savior as words are extremely effective (no matter who tries to deny it). Words can motivate, destroy, convince, manipulate, encourage, reward, build or break you, whether they be spoken directly to you by someone, seen in writing or heard from a Motivational Speaker/Preacher/Politician/Cult Leader or in a song. When words touch you, they touch you and in many cases really hit home so to speak. 

The past year I have been travelling around Africa (East and South this time) and much took place while I was working on my new book and considering a new country to plant roots. It became extremely adventurous and tumultuous as one can imagine, for me as a solo female traveller being extremely ambitious with my goals between very different countries. So much so that spiralling events began to take its toll, push me to the limit and have me seriously doubt myself, which is dangerous as much as it is scary especially for a Creative Freelancer and what have you.

Words and events often control what we think and believe. Despite all the wonderful things that I have experienced on my travels, recent events and bad words in my head including some from opposing folk whom I know personally, have lead (led to some of you) me to think the worst of the situation and truly disrupted my faith in my mission. Naturally this was soul crushing and was stopping me from moving forward or moving at all, because I had to get my mind right by putting sensibility before sensitivity in order to do what I came to do.

Never in my life have I become so spiritual (although still not religious) as my faith had to carry me through alot of sh*t, plenty of unforeseen sh*t and miracles that took place as a direct result of my faith and it was amazing! I have been left truly awe inspired in amazement at the great turn of events that worked out in my favour due to my new found heightened amount of FAITH & BELIEF, in what I wanted and needed to happen and it has just been astonishing. 

There were quite a few moments where either my life or my livelihood were in serious jeopardy; I panicked, refocused, believed in the seemingly impossible and got it together. With the help of those who love and support me but overall it felt spiritual on more than one occasion. In any case, regardless of the practical things that unfolded, I knew that I had to BELIEVE in my ability, my determination, zest and zeal to make it happen in order to even have the opportunity for my resources to become available to me. 

There was a particular stressful week when I was in Rwanda that was just unbelievably difficult, especially considering certain things that happened prior thus it felt completely unjust, I was in disbelief at what was transpiring and at a complete loss of patience. To take myself out of my stagnant sorrow I needed some inspiration and soul soothing words to basically hug and encourage me. 

Beyond playing my 'Uplifting/Motivational Playlist' that I think many people should create if and when in need, lucky for me I had my very own (written) self-help book to turn to of well thought-out, empowering,  motivational and inspirational quotes that I just published. Of which I wrote so passionately that I could quite literally turn to it myself when in need AND IT F'IN WORKED! By the way, I keep swearing because I'm excited, my vocabulary is emotionally driven at present, not decisively crass.

The quotes that I randomly read hit home so hard that it wasn't funny, but it was wonderful. Wonderful and necessary 'motivational quotes' indeed! The one I wrote about believing in one self by investing in one self, was what I needed to reconcile with to myself.

I had to remind myself that I didn't come this far, to only come this far. Nor was I going to allow myself to just rely on others to invest in me, or for me to half-step how much I was emotionally investing in myself when I knew that it wasn't enough. I knew that I had to fully invest in myself and my goals not just financially but physically and emotionally no matter how weak I felt at the time, and I sh*t you not my strength came right back! 

On more serious occasions I had to remind myself that I can move mountains and come out of the situations that I felt stuck in. It was this self-coaching mentality that got me by and believe it or not it was also certain songs that kept my goal-getting adrenaline pumping (not meant to rhyme).

The songs that I have been listening to on repeat lately due to my new need and new found attraction for them, are by Whitney Houston of all people! Specifically Step by Step and When You Believe featuring Mariah Carey (and written by Babyface!!!). I have a new found respect for Whitney's music catalogue of being so much more than just ballads, rest her wonderful soul. This was briefly echoed in my tweets and Facebook posts from last year for the same reason, as I came to realise that there were at least three songs that I can name (including the two previously mentioned and The Greatest Love of All which was taught to me at primary school in order for us to see our potential and develop self-esteem, which I took for granted at the tender age of six years old).

I had to laugh through my anxiety when I found myself breaking into song from a random lyric of Step by Step with 'Come on baby got to keep moving, come on baby...' and had to play it on YouTube immediately when I remembered where the lyrics came from. Yet nothing, can compare to the emotional response that I have in my adult age whenever I listen to the lyrics of When You Believe, of which I cannot believe that I only recently discovered was written by the same lyrical genius who wrote the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack oh my days!

'We were moving mountains long, before we knew we cooooouuuuld......Though hope is frail, it's hard to kiiilllllll.....Who knows what miracles you can achieve.....when you beliiieeeeevve....somehow you wiiillll, you will when yooouuu belieeeeeeve........and it's easy to give in to your fears.....but when you're blinded  by your faith.......'

Oh my goodness those diva's, TRUE DIVA'S- GONE ARE THE DAYS! Sang the f**k out of that song. Their brilliant range of vocals singing passionate words of reason, fill me with such optimism. Words and the gift of song are so damn powerful. That song in particular, as well as my 2021 mantra of "Faith above fear," made me check myself and elevate myself accordingly, on what became a literal journey of self-discovery. It was beautiful you should've seen it, I MOVED MOUNTAINS! Miracles happened and it brought me plenty tears of joy. Overwhelming joy.

Those instances affected me both personally and professionally in the best possible way. However, the song in the soundtrack to my life since that's what they are appearing to be lol, was Believe by Raheem DeVaughn which you will understand more when you follow my Instagram video link below. I heard that song differently a particular morning of an immense amount of unnecessary stress that had been piling up for weeks (in Namibia) on an empty stomach. Via YouTube's algorithm that song came just on time- and with no interrupting ads. It was a very mindful moment and reminded me to believe in myself as I stated in my quote book and to trust in my purpose, period.

I say all this to remind others in similar situations whose faith is shattered or on the verge of being so, perhaps dwelling in self-doubt and pessimism for whatever reason and generally feeling overwhelmed with discouragement and negativity- IT WILL PASS. YOU CAN COME OUT OF IT, STARTING WITH YOUR MINDSET. Just breathe....focus, reboot, reset, restart and HAVE FAITH in what you are doing and what you want the outcome to be. I'd like to redirect you to the video recording that I did the day that I came to that realisation and decided to share how I was feeling with my audience.

Watch my video clip on my Instagram

#WellnessWednesday

As this month of Mental Health Awareness marks nearly a full year since the limited release of my exclusive quote book from Infiniti Promotions merchandise, I will give readers a 25% discount for you to order a CUSTOM VERSION of personalised #ILoveMyselfBecause quotes for me to create for you (normally £100). Just put the discount code MHAM2225 in the subject line in an email, give me a brief of your request and send it to LKsamuels@infinitipromotions.co.uk. Making these quote books is one of the best things that I've ever done so I am more than happy to keep making them for those who need them most.

Love Lauren

Throwback Thursday: Hair Evolution Turned Fairy Tale

This flashback of immense pride is a post that'll be shorter than my usual. Due to the reoccurring mishaps of trying to upload this as an ideal post on my frustrating Instagram page, which took an unnecessary 2hrs of several attempts. Yet another reason why I hate uploading on social media, it's LONG and usually a waste of my precious time. Whereas writing and posting on my personal blog right here, always feels more fulfilling. I suppose the good thing that came out of that frustration is that it brought me back to my beloved blog to post something new ;-)

It's amazing how my hair evolution made for a good adult fairy tale. This is the "Rolls Royce" of my Custom Poetry Greeting Cards™ thus far people! Took me over 40hrs across 4yrs to make dammit! I had the idea of a 3D (minimal 3D) Black fairy tale to make for a child customer but that opportunity didn't come.

 

[Click on photo to enlarge]

Years later of the initial idea, after achieving my long desired Victorian curls (to resemble Cinderella, Lark in Dru Hill's These were The Times, or better yet to look like Jamelia in the nostalgic music video for  Money Can't Buy My Love) with just curling mousse and plastic straws as opposed to heated tongs, to rockin' my signature dangling "Rapunzel" aka "unicorn" hairstyle, to eventually (perhaps abruptly) cutting off all of my long afro hair for my personal happiness. All of that became the best excuse to make this fantasy birthday card for my adult self and I'm glad I did because it came out beautifully. I AM SO PROUD OF THIS CREATION. 

 

 

Executing this fairy tale idea was indeed worth the wait and all the man-hours I must say. You may notice that the Red Riding Hood page (pg.4) is my same graphic design that I used to go with my Mummy, Wolf! poem. Which was referenced in the poem/story/message to my myself within this six page storybook card, as the debut of the spoken word performance was that same year and quite a monumental performance for me. I kept this design to myself since making it back in December 2019 (my birthday is the anniversary of Brothers' Grimm published folklore collection) and I’m only sharing it now because someone enlightened me about how much it would uplift little Black girls around the world, therefore I should be less secretive about it.

 

 

 

I suppose it would be similar to the feeling that I and many others had when seeing Brandy play Cinderella, and Whitney played the magnificent singing Fairy Godmother in Debra Martin-Chase's version of the Rogers and Hammerstein's musical adaptation for Disney (I'm such a 90's chick). If my card makes at least half of the emotive impact that, that wonderful retelling had- of which I still have on VHS and watched this year with the same big smile on my child-like face, then I would be very happy and less concerned about sharing something that was very personal thus secretive to me.

 

 

  

Order a fabulously personalised, memorable card of mine anytime. Simply send me a direct message with your request, ideally via email MissLaurenKaye@gmail.com and we'll take it from there. 

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Representing Hope

 

There was a very nice, quick, convenient and damn near perfect video that I recorded to get my message across better, but the damn thing deleted KMT. Another reason that I conflict with technology and social media often. Anyway, I'll just stay in my lane and write.

Around this time last year I was a featured act at a poetry event called Premier Poets. The Promoter who invited me as a part of the line-up, picked me because of a hilarious poem (if I do say so myself) that I performed at a nearby event a month prior, which left a lasting impression on him. It was that first impression from that one poem (You Were Tangfastic) that made him believe that I was more of a comic Poet and that most of my material would be comically driven. 

Much of my material is funny but not most. I, as I am sure many other Writers and Poets may feel the same, get quite annoyed when my entire body of unseen or unheard work gets judged or grouped into one box just from one performance, it makes no sense. I am a diverse Poet/Writer who writes about anything from food to society, to religion, health, finances, vanity, all down to domestic abuse. My topics and range are wide and random.

In saying that, I remember being very cautious in preparation of that night and was very indecisive of what poems to bring. This was because I knew what was expected of me but I didn't want to "keep it light" just to please others (especially if I wasn't being paid to do so, whereas I would have respected a contractual commission if that were the case). However, there was a poem that I had recently finished although it took me over a year to complete, it was very dear to my heart and I was eager to share it despite any potential backlash. When I say "backlash" I don't necessarily mean for it to be met with anger or offence but it was a very emotive piece that would either sadden or p*ss off the audience in some way because it was about suicide. 

Suicide and euthanasia are sensitive subjects that most people dismiss, brush off or judge hastily, usually in a manner to shut down the conversation in order to not address the discomfort of it any further. My poem Selfish, thoroughly addresses that discomfort and not necessarily from the perspective of the 'victim' so to speak, but of the friend of the suicidal individual who is trying to be understanding amidst their own selfishness of what they want and believe is right in regard to their friends choices and personal struggles. I personally think it is one of the most maturely addressed, emotional, deep and daring poems that I have ever written. I am very proud of it and glad that I brought it to the table that night regardless of the discomfort that filled the room. My poetry isn't made for the comfort of others, although in many cases my poetry has brought many an audience comfort, nevertheless it was made for me to express my thoughts, feelings and creativity thus to share as I see fit. You may like it or you don't.

What I did not realise that night or when completing the final draft of the poem, was that it was Suicide Prevention Awareness Week in the UK, Suicide Awareness Month in USA, nor did I know that it was World Suicide Prevention Day the week before. I was unfamiliar with all of that, as these were new public events as far as I was concerned however, it made it more appropriate to share such daring material to a hopefully more receptive crowd. Therefore I introduced the poem as such to slightly prepare them for what was to come. It left quite the impression indeed and as all year (2019-2020) it had me drowning in tears from my own empathy and heightened emotions. 

The Promoter wasn't too happy with my first choice of content, not that I cared. I still got a lot of love and support from the audience afterwards which was soothing. Also being the well experienced Spoken Word Artist that I am, I already knew to have a completely different poem to bring back the uplifting momentum afterward with one of my sexy poems and they really clapped, clicked and hollered with that one (of course). All was well and I was one of the most cheered acts of the night despite that it could have gone completely left, but it ended up so right.

I was happy with my decision and even happier that my poem brought some more awareness to others on how to check themselves when communicating with someone who is suicidal. I mentioned this on a previous post I did last October.

When I was shaving my head into my long desired pattern of the Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics as painted on my wall, it was to honour myself of my personal growth and to remind myself of how far I have come in certain areas of my life. As opposed to just having a painting on my wall in the hope of good luck and passive naivety, in recent years I acted on it (the hieroglyphics meaning Life, Health and Happiness) directly to have the 'fortune' come into fruition. My chosen hair pattern was me honouring the things that I have actively done to bring more value to my life, to improve my health with more awareness, as well as how I have brought and tried to maintain happiness with mindfulness.

As well as to inspire others who may need to honour certain aspects of their lives more for the sake of their wellbeing. A staff member of the hotel that I was staying at, came up to me demanding (in a friendly manner) to know who did my hair considering that it was unlikely that I went to a local barber. I boastfully enlightened him that I was my own barber and did it myself, which took him by complete surprise (as per usual reaction) and after I explained that the symbols mean Life, Health and Happiness along with me honouring Suicide Awareness at the same time, he then pointed out to me "Oh, you're representing HOPE!" I said "Exactly. Yes indeed that is exactly what I am doing."

Not to get too deep or philosophical on you lot, but Hope, Fear, Faith and Doubt....among other emotions but those four are the most poignant to what I am trying to say; these emotions have so much power and control over us. Much of our behaviour and decisions are driven by said emotions. Therefore if my little hair cut can inspire something as powerful and positive as HOPE, then I am the one who is honoured. 

Love Lauren

International Shelves

 

What do you see? Do you notice it? Have you found it yet? This is like looking at a giant page of a Where's Wally book isn't it lol.

My book poeple! I'm All In is stacked on the top shelf YAYYY! I'm so happy (smiling with all teeth emoji).

I would have taken a picture of me next to the shelf or had the staff do it but not only is that too ostentatious for me but the staff were not that enthusiastic so it was out of the question, BUT THEY WILL NOT BRING DOWN MY HIGH! 

MY BOOK- FIRST BOOK, IS ON SHELVES PEOPLE! And not just the shelves of customers within their homes although that is the greatest honour, but it is on retail shelves which is the goal of many Authors. Especially for self-published Authors as we have a steeper hill to climb in order to get given half of the same opportunities for distribution and exhibition thus sales, considering our limited resources of not publishing our books with a (commercial) publishing company- BUT I DID IT! BY MYSELF I would like to point out. No publishing house, no distributor, no Publicist, no Assistant just my persistence (meant to rhyme).

I would also like to point out that not only did I forget this year that it was the publication anniversary this month seeing as August is usually a miserable time of year- ANNUALLY KMT. That aside, this opportune time of year in 2021 had the first exciting news of my debut book on retail shelves in July, when I sold copies of it to The Ankh Centre in Willesden (North-West London)! That made my year you don't understand. Simply because it is was full of simplicity, ease and a welcoming attitude. It was the beauty of simplicity and clear communication, no nonsense, just details exchanged, money explained and respectful honest correspondence which was all I needed. THIS IS A RARE OCCASION PEOPLE! Usually in any case it's nonsense, hesitation, an unnecessary attitude from an unprofessional individual, misinformation or contradictions and misleading. There was none of that crap here, everything was what it was AND DONE. Along with the positivity of productivity that came at just the right time.

I'm smiling now at the progress and lack of stress (wasn't meant to rhyme) granted from that experience.

So now, my book is not only easily distributed online and of course sold at the biggest retailer in the world right now (Amazon) but the paperback is also available in hard copy at a store in London (with whom I coincidentally performed at their flagship branch 10 years prior!) More excitingly thus far, that same book is now stocked at a bookshop in Kigali- RWANDA how exciting is that! And not just at any bookstore people but a renowned iconic store of the region, Ikirezi Bookshop. They have lots of great material there I must say; their art supplies, range of text books, business books, history books, self-help, fiction, great children's books and multi-lingual stock by the way (French, English and Kinyarwanda). 

Please note that many retailers set their own prices which does not reflect on me, that goes for some of the ludicrous prices that have been reported to me recently (I would not ask or expect you to pay the far fetched £39-42.00 offensive fee for just one paperback book) given by associated online retailers via Amazon. THAT IS NOT MY DOING. My price is £8.99 as sold on Shop Infiniti and in person at performances and appearances. Furthermore the only price that I agree to on Amazon is the £9.85 listing when it is sold directly through them as the Seller.

 

The pictures were taken at Ikirezi Bookshop, Kigali. Years later and I'm still in love with my cover design. I'm so proud. B*tch don't kill my vibe.