I'm still mourning from the death of Rap legend DMX, as I'm sure most of his fans are since the news broke yesterday afternoon. Although I knew I would feel this way, I didn't shed a tear until I began to see everyone's tributes; all the fans and fellow Musicians alike. The touching ones were of fans saying how certain songs (e.g. Slippin') and of course his well known powerful prayers, saved them or helped them get through some of their darkest times due to the relatable content of personal struggles. I loved reading the social media posts from fans regarding their experiences of meeting him in passing, random moments of his generosity such as a man saying that he paid for their shopping at a store and a woman saying that X helped her carry her things from a laundromat (launderette) to her car. The lady expressed that he nor she stated the obvious by acknowledging who he was out aloud, he didn't want to be noticed as a celebrity but just helpful as a man.
What really had me balling (pronounced "barlin'" for us West Indians) was seeing Roxanne Shante on YouTube, express her bittersweet connection to X. That was just too much and far too real in the saddest sense of the word. I know that it is typical for everyone to act like they were such good friends or caring of the deceased when it is breaking news or the topic of discussion however, in this case DMX was truly adored and admired as an Artist among his peers and certainly as a troubled man who continued to fight his demons openly, and support others along the way through his humility and faith. Of which was regularly referenced by the likes of Fat Joe, Snoop Dogg, Swiss Beatz, T.I, Busta Rhymes and quite notably to me The Game in regard to his sentimental Instagram post. Everyone was crying out their sadness in direct regard to personal feelings and not popular feelings for the sake of public appearances, it was beautiful. The video footage of his Verzuz with Snoop, as well as the recorded times that he bumped into Busta were particularly beautiful. The brotherhood and love was evident and fun to watch.
As a die-hard Hip Hop fan growing up with all of their music it meant the world to me to see them interacting like friends (past and present) and not competitors, enemies or simply dry industry associates. As seen on their social media accounts, all said Rappers show each other so much love and respect, holding each other in high regard both artistically and personally, while referring to each other (him in this case) as "King" AND MEAN IT. We all want to see our favourite Artists collaborate, have fun together, support each other and rate each other in public as well as private, it's like we're at the party with them enjoying the positive vibes! Seeing all that from my many hours on Instagram last night (first time in ages) really pleased me and soothed my soul with sweet nostalgia.
As stated on Facebook via my professional page regarding how I felt about X's hospitalised vegetative state at the time, that post was very time-dependent. Like what alot of other people felt, I just knew that he was going to die in a matter of days and I did not want to jump on the bandwagon of posting about him on the day that it would've been annouced. Firstly I didn't want it to appear "follow-fashion" and secondly I didn't know if I'd be emotionally capable of doing so being a big fan. Yet here I am posting about my fandom and grief like I intended not to do.
I said, naturally DMX has been on my mind since the news broke out over Easter wkend. I've always been a real fan (albums on CD, his films on VHS & DVD). I know he's long struggled with drugs like most entertainers but it really saddened me last year while watching Ruff Ryder Chronicles on BET, to see all of his pain on display. DMX has always been upfront, transparent and emotional between his performances and interviews however, that docuseries was the most open I have seen him be regarding his troubled childhood at the hands of his mother. Many people are haunted by their past and hold resentment from certain events and mistreatment in their lives which would explain some of their behaviour as an adult. Some deal with it much better than others and he clearly does not and has not dealt with it well at all which is incredibly sad.
I truly felt all of his pain while watching that, I just wanted to give him a hug and slap his mother for being so rotten. Despite creating a loving family of his own, having a beautiful relationship with his paternal grandmother, realising his creative potential and being successful from it, coming out of poverty on his own merit and being loved by so many, all that doesn't seem to mean anything when he thinks about his mum and certain other people in his life that made him feel less than as a child, who still makes him feel less than as an adult despite coming so far. That's painful to see, not with just him but a lot of other talented, beloved entertainers who kill themselves slowly with drugs, self-hatred and irresponsible management of dealing with past trauma (Eric Clapton for example). His tears brought me tears. Especially each time that I saw him cry when he reflected on how he got introduced to crack by a deceitful adult who he looked up to! "That's when the demon was born" he said on the docuseries, in regard to his split personality of the angel and devil that emerged from then. That life-altering betrayal as well as his mother's constant rejection and abuse mashed him up for decades to come. X wore both his heart and his demons on his sleeve and it showed 😪.
Whatever resolve X wants to come out of this is what I want for him. If he wants his Lord Saviour to finally welcome him into what he believes will be heaven then I want that for him. No one wants to live in a vegetable state, crippled, dependent and unrecognisable (mentally or physically) and no one wants to live everyday depressed, angry and in emotional turmoil. If he was able to fix up, get clean and live a healthy happy life then of course I'd want that for him instead but it's unlikely as he is obviously not strong enough for that. Furthermore the worldwide circumstances (if I use the word it'll get flagged and all of this will get deleted) is not making that very possible in general anyway.... I feel for his family, his soul and especially his children during this time 😔.
Interestingly enough, last week I spontaneously kept reciting his poem The Industry that he so eloquently and authentically performed at Def Poetry Jam many years ago. The subject matter is a discussion that I have often and I think that his poem summed it up perfectly from someone in his shoes. That was one of my favourite celebrity appearances on that show.....My dear thoughts and good wishes are with him.....
I found out about DMX's passing just an hour after learning that Prince Philip had just died too! For reasons obvious to some, I'm not in pain about Philip's death as he got to live a very full, privileged royal life all up till 99yrs old, while expressing alot of offensive opinions during his time as a public figure/face of the British people and benefited from alot of other people's pain (African and Caribbean country people, do your economic history) thus my feelings are not as dear. Although I am sorry for how his loved ones must be feeling, I always sympathise with anyone who loses a loved one. The UK (those who care) are mourning and Hip Hop fans everywhere mourn. Furthermore, the day before the news broke I went to visit my grandfather's gravesite of where he was buried two weeks ago to the day, of which there were many upsetting feelings and sadness to bear. It was alot.
I was happy to screenshot what Tribeca tweeted because I feel like they had the most tasteful and true to the Artist headline. Everyone else including music media outlets (MTV etc, although I have yet to read anything from Rolling Stone) just copied and pasted from each other with little thought, clearly uneducated about who DMX was as an Artist. Which, as seen in many of the comments, just offended fans. Some media outlets, specifically E! Entertainment and of course Billboard, finally began to mention his historic significance in music being that he was the first Rapper to have five albums in a row debut at no.1 on the Billboard charts!! THAT'S HUGE and should never be undermined! No it wasn't Drake, Nicki or Jay-Z or the other more commercial people who get more conversation and credit than they're worth (talent-wise), it was Ruff Ryder's DMX!
I hated it when most media reporting his hospitalisation only mentioned just two of his big hits (none that I rated) and three of his multi-platinum albums like any other Rapper. You have to say what makes him significant and different not what makes him the same or just successful for being so. Journalism has so fallen off KMT.
I included the pictures with Aaliyah because as I posted on one of my other Facebook pages, although I would expect his grandmother to be the first familiar face to welcome him into the afterlife (however you want to imagine it), I can imagine DMX and Aaliyah giving each other a sweet embrace with all their cuteness. Purely because of how cute they looked (in a platonic respectful way) in the music video Back in One Piece. RIP Icons! I love and respect you as unique influential Artists who positively impacted my life, my partying days (What's My Name especially), music video recording (especially Aaliyah's videos for choreography sake) and my overall CD collection (f*ck downloads). I will celebrate you by continuously playing your music, reflecting on your greatness through archive footage when I can, not just for my own entertainment but also to educate the younger generation about what the REAL DEAL really was in music!
Y'know what was nice, it was nice to see the unexpected appearance of DMX's notorious album cover of Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood feature in the Music Icons photography docuseries on Sky Arts recently, about the lives and iconic work of Music Photographers. I had already watched one or two episodes of the series and was getting frustrated that they were only featuring Rock and Pop Artists, I was deepening my tone through grinded teeth talking to the screen like "Where the f*ck are the Black Artists? Of all Industries! And why have I not seen ONE Rap album or famous magazine cover yet?!?" Then by the third or so episode I got my wish and Hip Hop Artists were featured.
Well, the light at the end of the tunnel here is that Earl's soul can finally rest in peace as peace was clearly something that he did not have. Years ago on his reality show, I saw that spending time in Arizona relaxed his mind and it was very detoxifying for him whenever he touched down with his quad bikes, dogs and all. I myself am actively seeking peace in an idyllic rural setting, so I completely understand how the contrast of Arizona suited the needs of his wellbeing. Even more so, all of his temptations and negative distractions were in a city environment of where he would be surrounded by vultures, groupies, Yes Men and enablers. Factoring in his work and the majority of the people in his life, all of the above made it inevitable for him to keep coming back to the City, New York in particular despite the better judgement of the people who cared about his wellbeing the most suggesting otherwise. A part of me wishes that he simply retired earlier in Arizona and stayed away from all of his anchors. Not only is that unrealistic it's selfish of me and I shan't be that.
Ending on my good note; X gets to reunite with "Grandma" (listen to his song I Miss You ft Faith Evans) and anyone else that he lost, and like I posted regarding my wishes for his wishes being met, he now gets to be with his Lord Saviour after taking on the pain of so much and so many. His "mission" if you will, was carried out. Therefore these are happy tears......I am happy for him. Rest peacefully my fellow Sagittarian, fellow Poet and one of my favourite Rappers (happy tears emoji).
