Much of my material is funny but not most. I, as I am sure many other Writers and Poets may feel the same, get quite annoyed when my entire body of unseen or unheard work gets judged or grouped into one box just from one performance, it makes no sense. I am a diverse Poet/Writer who writes about anything from food to society, to religion, health, finances, vanity, all down to domestic abuse. My topics and range are wide and random.
In saying that, I remember being very cautious in preparation of that night and was very indecisive of what poems to bring. This was because I knew what was expected of me but I didn't want to "keep it light" just to please others (especially if I wasn't being paid to do so, whereas I would have respected a contractual commission if that were the case). However, there was a poem that I had recently finished although it took me over a year to complete, it was very dear to my heart and I was eager to share it despite any potential backlash. When I say "backlash" I don't necessarily mean for it to be met with anger or offence but it was a very emotive piece that would either sadden or p*ss off the audience in some way because it was about suicide.
Suicide and euthanasia are sensitive subjects that most people dismiss, brush off or judge hastily, usually in a manner to shut down the conversation in order to not address the discomfort of it any further. My poem Selfish, thoroughly addresses that discomfort and not necessarily from the perspective of the 'victim' so to speak, but of the friend of the suicidal individual who is trying to be understanding amidst their own selfishness of what they want and believe is right in regard to their friends choices and personal struggles. I personally think it is one of the most maturely addressed, emotional, deep and daring poems that I have ever written. I am very proud of it and glad that I brought it to the table that night regardless of the discomfort that filled the room. My poetry isn't made for the comfort of others, although in many cases my poetry has brought many an audience comfort, nevertheless it was made for me to express my thoughts, feelings and creativity thus to share as I see fit. You may like it or you don't.
What I did not realise that night or when completing the final draft of the poem, was that it was Suicide Prevention Awareness Week in the UK, Suicide Awareness Month in USA, nor did I know that it was World Suicide Prevention Day the week before. I was unfamiliar with all of that, as these were new public events as far as I was concerned however, it made it more appropriate to share such daring material to a hopefully more receptive crowd. Therefore I introduced the poem as such to slightly prepare them for what was to come. It left quite the impression indeed and as all year (2019-2020) it had me drowning in tears from my own empathy and heightened emotions.
The Promoter wasn't too happy with my first choice of content, not that I cared. I still got a lot of love and support from the audience afterwards which was soothing. Also being the well experienced Spoken Word Artist that I am, I already knew to have a completely different poem to bring back the uplifting momentum afterward with one of my sexy poems and they really clapped, clicked and hollered with that one (of course). All was well and I was one of the most cheered acts of the night despite that it could have gone completely left, but it ended up so right.
I was happy with my decision and even happier that my poem brought some more awareness to others on how to check themselves when communicating with someone who is suicidal. I mentioned this on a previous post I did last October.
When I was shaving my head into my long desired pattern of the Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics as painted on my wall, it was to honour myself of my personal growth and to remind myself of how far I have come in certain areas of my life. As opposed to just having a painting on my wall in the hope of good luck and passive naivety, in recent years I acted on it (the hieroglyphics meaning Life, Health and Happiness) directly to have the 'fortune' come into fruition. My chosen hair pattern was me honouring the things that I have actively done to bring more value to my life, to improve my health with more awareness, as well as how I have brought and tried to maintain happiness with mindfulness.
As well as to inspire others who may need to honour certain aspects of their lives more for the sake of their wellbeing. A staff member of the hotel that I was staying at, came up to me demanding (in a friendly manner) to know who did my hair considering that it was unlikely that I went to a local barber. I boastfully enlightened him that I was my own barber and did it myself, which took him by complete surprise (as per usual reaction) and after I explained that the symbols mean Life, Health and Happiness along with me honouring Suicide Awareness at the same time, he then pointed out to me "Oh, you're representing HOPE!" I said "Exactly. Yes indeed that is exactly what I am doing."
Not to get too deep or philosophical on you lot, but Hope, Fear, Faith and Doubt....among other emotions but those four are the most poignant to what I am trying to say; these emotions have so much power and control over us. Much of our behaviour and decisions are driven by said emotions. Therefore if my little hair cut can inspire something as powerful and positive as HOPE, then I am the one who is honoured.
Love Lauren
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