The past 7 months have been interesting, difficult, confusing, enlightening, somewhat exciting and all other adjectives that left me in deep thought with the need to distance myself. In many ways I have been on my own island, in a much needed reclusive state of mind to indeed exercise my mindfulness. This just means that as a consequence of many events and reflection, I have been making firmer choices to focus on myself more in a healthier holistic way.
However, despite my noticeable absence and sporadic appearances in regard to self-promotion, online activity and social circles. I have in many ways still been very present. My eye is not off the ball, it's just that my interests and priorities have changed- for the better. It goes without saying that I have still been working all this time, developing my projects and what have you. Furthermore my greeting cards continue to push the bar and celebratory emotions. Some of my recent creations have been very 'wordy' pun intended.
These are two designs in particular that I have had in mind for a couple of years and have only just had the right opportunity to be unleashed. I just didn't expect them to be made around the same time however I can't control the costumers needs- that I'm happy to meet. Outside of the orders I receive, I am making a few more cards that will be featured in something that I am working on.
What I have really been excelling at though, excelling as far as baby steps go, is cake decorating! You don't understand, this means the world to me as I have been wanting this forever, before wanting to pursue film, publishing and even before I went to culinary school. It all felt so far out of reach that I would only bake and cake decorate vicariously through television shows like Cake Boss and Cupcake Wars. I began pushing my love for cake decorating with my dessert table designs via my events company. I was just testing the waters as making dessert tables was the best excuse for that creative side of me to finally go into action.
My designs completely outdid my baking I must say, although it was the perfect opportunity to improve on my cake decorating skills regardless of how minimal. To learn to bake properly and make delightful glorious cakes and pastries has long and I mean like 25yrs long, been a dream of mine. I will make that happen dammit. More of that and my foodie experiences can be seen on my beloved Deevah's Cravings blog. My food writing hasn't been on hiatus during this time, as food is another kind of joy that will demand attention and dedication from me more so. On that blog you'll find food stories and food porn to salivate over.
The best thing that I've been doing this year and what I've been most excited about is my reignited writing of poetry FOR ME. For the past five years, I have had off and on writing blocks when it came to writing or completing poems spontaneously or just for the fun of it. This also goes for writing stories, my food novel and old incomplete scripts that were and are of great importance to me. In turn, without fully realising it at the time I have dedicated that passion and motivation to writing for others and completing other written projects under commission.
This in some ways was good because it brought in business nonetheless and made customers happy which made me happy, but the huge problem that followed was the inevitable pile up of missed out opportunities and unfinished, un-started things that I wanted to achieve personally! That was driving me mad. My sh*t kept falling into the back burner for more new sh*t that meant less to me. Although I managed to get the odd thing done on that list, the reality is that years were going by of unmet goals or unmet needs of personal creative expression. This can devastate an Artist or any type of creative individual who just wants to create any and everything that comes to mind, especially when you're passionate about it.
I am glad to say that, that self-imposed dilemma is becoming no more and it feels wonderful. Dec-Jan in particular I wrote 3 new poems out of the blue AND TO COMPLETION! That meant everything to me. One of them I performed at She Grrrowls. I have noticed a little pattern in my recent poems; Dec-Jun although they are all different there's a theme they share between them being that of lifestyle, loss, desires, children, opinions and mother-daughter relationships. The content has been quite vulnerable whether I'm speaking my truth or that of someone else's. The ones involving parenting and family dynamic banter isn't even from my perspective, such as many things that I have come to write they simply came from a source of observation and passiveness.
My poems are also getting increasingly longer which I didn't even think was possible as I am known to have long poems anyway (not the longest ever heard but I am known to write in excess). It hurts my hands while doing so but while I'm writing or typing I'm saying to myself "I just need to get this sh*t out!" That is also one of the many benefits of getting back to writing for the sake of saying what I want to say even if it's just for my eyes and ears only, is that I do not need to concern myself with cutting it down to make it shorter or more comfortable for others. I can just do me and lessen the anxiety of people-pleasing, which again feels wonderful.
This week I wrote a poem about falling out of love with Haribo sweets, for those that know me they know that one hits home as also seen on my food blog. The loss is real, quite a humorous yet relatable piece. I look forward to performing that one and two more out of the 7-8 poems written so far in the near future. As a Poet it is natural for me to write with a performance in mind or the thought of it being read by someone, however such as with this blog entry that has been a bit of an obstacle to complete, I have to bear in mind my friend's wise words "Not everything needs to be shared." With that said, I know to keep some things to myself in both regard to what I could add to this post and what I have written in my new poems. At the end of the day I wrote those for me for therapeutic reasons and therefore consider them to be private diary entries. What I will share will be intriguing nevertheless don't get it twisted ;-)
Until then, wish me baking progress and more continued success with my mindfulness journey. I wish everyone, even more so my loyal supporters and anyone going through heavy things that are making you anxious or unhappy, more and more brighter days.
@LK_ReelDeevah
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