Saturday, 30 May 2020

Not In This Together


Right now I am watching CNN News of all the live footage of the protests and riots across America that many others as well as myself, have been following since last night. I have just learned that marches are taking place in London this weekend, one happened earlier in Peckham today which was beautiful to see as unsurprising as it was. A part of me feels liberated as I do whenever I see people from any walk of life stand up for themselves particularly in solidarity. Another part of me feels devastated and incredibly nervous of the result to come of this both good and bad. I have been in deep thought all week. Increasingly pi*ssed off for months and I will explain why.

[Click on images to enlarge]

We have not been in this together, contrary to the 'We Are In This Together' COVID-19 slogan since March. People going through the coronavirus global epidemic as a regular person stuck in a house with their family and concerned about work and income, or a Politician/member of the government concerned about the economy, a Doctor concerned about the healthcare system regarding the threat to its future as well as circumstances pre-vaccine, a rich person with access to most of their means or going through this as a poor person with access to nothing therefore likely to suffer the most, those are different walks of life sharing different anxieties yet similar concerns. Then there's going through this as a Black person. Whom of which, on top of being included in any of the above categories, has to deal with the ongoing horrid images and news of how we are abused on a regular basis REGARDLESS of a health epidemic. That part does not go on "lockdown" and get put on pause, if anything now it has heightened.

I love my people, I feel for my people, I feel with my people and I'm really concerned for all the children of my people who have to see images of themselves continually being dehumanised. For them to be terrified and worried thinking "Is that going to happen to me or one of my parents soon?"



We are not in this together. When I first saw the slogan I agreed with it because worldwide everyone was having to deal with these circumstances of the virus; all the other suspicious theories that come with it that affects our present and future of how we are to move forward economically and that of our human rights. However Black people are still reminded of how excluded, yet targetted we are (despite how admired and robbed we remain) in societies of the world even at a time that we're supposed to relate to others the most, suffering similarly at this high time in history. No!


We have to have the Black experience as well. That's what we have to see and feel. Just before lockdown a young man was being beaten up by a racist group of arseh*les, where his employers did not stand against the racial abuse when it began verbally, that they could have put a stop to immediately. They apparently just left their Black employee to be attacked by these White men with no authorities. Word got around, locals were enraged and pursued to march down to the pub in Ladbroke Grove, London where the incident took place. I was watching clips of the protesters passionately chanting and rightfully shouting their speeches demanding that the Manager come out and address the issue, while the staff remained inside with the business running as usual as if no such thing had taken place. The pain of their lack of shame slapped me from the screen, many of my people felt this way.

We have to see a father holding his toddler while being harassed by Police at a petrol station in Manchester. They could have dealt with things more professionally BUT HE'S A BLACK MAN SO THEY TAKE LIBERTIES. Just due to what they claimed to be speeding, they kept shouting "Put your hands up" while he was holding his baby, once he did one of the Officers practically tasered him to death in front of his infant child! I'm watching this F'd up video on Twitter a few weeks ago, completely horrified and disgusted thinking "Don't these non-face mask wearing Policemen have bigger problems right now than to aggressively harass someone "speeding," wasting time bullying?" They were willing to risk catching the virus, getting caught on camera being unlawful and harmful to others with an irresponsible weapon at a high risk location, just to continue giving us the Black experience.



Black people can't just work from home calmly or 'Netflix and chill' with everyone else who is not on the frontlines or fallen ill, we need to witness such sh*t from our TV and devices, when we too are worried about food and toilet tissue and now some are scared to even step outside the door incase that familiar aggression is what will happen! It's like Black Treatment is worse than the virus right now- FOR US.

We're not even being acknowledged when the NHS does their campaign about thanking their high-risk hardworking Nurses and Doctors!!! I have the misfortune of having to be at hospitals on an annual basis so I am very familiar that seeing a White English staff member is a rarity. In London at least, many of us have witnessed that the majority of the hospital staff especially the Nurses are Black & Oriental, typically dominated with African and Asian Doctors. So it was another racist slap in the face when those headlines were made insinuating otherwise. When Thursday 8 p.m. comes around some of us can't even clap with the same joy with that in mind, as the  'Clap for Nurses' campaign is wrapped in racial politics according to newspaper images.


Then shortly after on the same social media platform I see that Ian Wright is trending. I'm thinking that as a celebrity he may have made posted something inappropriate that has left quarantined online users upset, only for me to upsettingly find that he was sharing all the recent hate mail that he had been receiving from a teenage White racist upcoming Football Player who has been cyber bullying him on Instagram for a while. IAN WRIGHT people, not someone the boy's age but a grown arse man who is a British Football legend, is crying (no disrespect as I felt his pain as much as I feel he did not have to turn to us for sympathy in order to handle the situation) to us about the racism he still has to endure throughout his career, despite retiring and being much older. The fact that the racial abuse was coming from a minor who had the balls to pursue this behaviour to someone far superior to him, is another thing that stung as a Black person having to be hit with more of this distressing news over the course of this pandemic.


A few weeks later we read about the young Black man who was jogging near a construction site in Atlanta where two White men jumped out of their truck with a ridiculous lethal weapon on board, actually chase him down and murder him in broad daylight, because they had the confidence to do so as we have seen too many times before. The father-son criminal act did not even get arrested until TWO MONTHS later. Hardly any of us believe that they will actually be convicted for 1st degree or 2nd degree murder, as again too many times we have seen that to be unfamiliar, considering how long it took for the arrests.

These are images that we have to be bombarded with while we're trapped inside trying to manage our Vitamin D at home. Of which, there is now frequent media stating that Black skin is apparently incompatible with Vitamin D from the sun because our melanin rejects it......(intentional long pause). This is very new to me, my scientific learning taught me that our melanin protects us from sun damage as opposed to reject it negatively. Since when was it common knowledge that natural Vitamin D, that is prominent in countries that we are indigenous to (thus made for), helpful to Caucasian skin and unhelpful to Negroid skin!? That is like saying that melanin is useless which most of know is factually on the contrary.

There is continued negative media telling us that Black people are dying at higher rates than others from the coronavirus, of which I see absolutely no evidence physically or logically justifying this claim. Especially being that the percentage of the populations of which they 'test' to prove this, I see and guarantee are not dominantly Black people or patients (even from all the hospital footage thus far). The recorded statistics that I have been monitoring have been particularly high in White populated countries, hence Italy's high death toll. Something is clearly not adding up here other than harmful, routine, propaganda.

All while quarantined and being subjected to selective, less accessible shopping (food mainly), struggling with uncertain incomes, seeking, competing or merely being disenfranchised with financial aid, mental health managing and the fear of getting sick if in contact with others- some other people's version of mental health at this time as I keep seeing online; is in regards to being isolated or cramped inside involuntary with members of their household everyday and not being able to socialise outside. Black people's mental health concerns during this time are much higher because it's often redirected to the fear of our right to live and that of our brotha's and sista's (intentionally spelt) domestically and internationally.

Then we have to see, read and hear of all the despicable treatment from the Chinese against Africans and not even just in China where they have their blatant public signs of racism saying 'We do not serve any Black customers,' kicking African immigrants out of their rented accommodations and making them sleep in the streets, because apparently Africans are the threat of the disease that reportedly came from THAT country. It literally spread from Wuhan, China as documented and even prophescised in a fiction book written in 2000 as circulated on social media. Naturally igniting more fury to our distress of COVID-19. Even worse, we see that same sh*t taking place in actual African countries infuriating us further making us vex (intentionally spelt as such) at all of the African Leaders! Our disappointment of leadership in Africa has been felt and expressed for a while now but again we therefore panic about our livelihoods as Black people ON TOP of the coronavirus. Our worries are not to the limits of everyone else's, they go beyond that.



Now there's this weeks events in addition to all of the other unfathomable, unjust, action provoking news of not only the above but also the young woman who was shot eight times at home, when the Police/FBI burst in during the middle of the night to the wrong address, for the wrong suspect, in fact they already arrested their suspect beforehand. They burst in guns blazing, shot her to death then had the audacity to arrest her boyfriend who was being protective, who they still was not even after in the first place- THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLY BELIEVABLE in our world.

None of those Officers to my knowledge have been fired, charged or placed on unpaid leave. Only about an hour ago did I find out that the boyfriend who got arrested for defending himself with his licensed firearm, was exonerated of all charges which is good news. However the point I am making is that we are all told to 'Stay at home,'  and only come out when we need to yet that Black couple were staying at home, sleeping as they had the right to, no illegal activity and yet law enforcement came to them anyway when they had no good reason to. Then after damaging property, getting the address wrong and taking a life, they then tried to slap an Attempted Murder charge on said Black man! This is Black Treatment. Even when the world has bigger problems that we are meant to be fighting together.

This week was a horrible sight; repeating history of when a man had his neck broken and air flow cut off by a Policeman (like Eric Gardener in 2014 and others prior) who actively and illegally did so on camera, in broad daylight, with many witnesses, supportive colleagues, without a care in the world because he's used to No Consequences being in place for his kind. This hurts so much, people are being desensitized due to the regularity of this behaviour but the pain does not become less painful. Black people are hurting mentally and physically when the rest of the world for the most part are just hurting financially and other pain is to a minimum unless they are actually sick. We are not in this epidemic together.
  

And now yet again, peaceful protests in some cases riots (both understandably so) ignite across America. Black Fury ignites around the world. Compassionate humane thinkers of other races are equally disgusted or sympathise and call out the Injustice for what it is. Such as my social media posts from previous years of similar incidences it fills me with glee to see protesters being multi-ethnic and that we are not just fighting alone. Within these widely supported protests I feel like we are in this 'together' to a degree but we all know the outcome will affect us differently. As made clear when the Black male Reporter for CNN got arrested by four Policemen live on television while respectfully doing his job with his mostly White camera crew. Apparently they were all arrested and detained for 1.5hrs but that was not caught on camera, thus the feeling is still bitter FOR US.



My head hurts, my blood boils, my heart aches and my hands twitch.... This has truly been an F'd up month for Black people in particular. The people that enrage me the most whenever it comes to times like these are not necessarily the perpetrators because they've been conditioned to believe that they have the right to do what they do, being the pathetic little minion soldiers they are without even realising the pawns in which they be sometimes although they are fully aware of their own actions. It is the people that excuse them that I despise. Such as the lenient legal authorities e.g. Police Chiefs, Commissioners, Unions, District Attorneys, Judges, Prosecutors and Politicians. However, nothing is more upsetting than the utterly pathetic, conditioned H**** N******s that defend these occurrences, deny the facts and tolerate abuse.... I know my fair share of these sorry folk and hate to see their self-hating, "Calvin" screaming opinions or objections to racial equality. This is such a sick time for us. Dramatic irony intended.


I now try to make audio versions of certain blogs of mine for the sake of the visually impaired, as well as those that may prefer to listen than to read. My recording of this post can be found on my Soundcloud page, listen, share, engage.





Tuesday, 4 February 2020

Acknowledge It

I would credit the original Graphic Designer of this image if I could. It was very helpful for me to know what each ribbon represented and to possibly be enlightened on other Cancers that I have not heard of.

Through my work with fundraising events, research and personal experiences I have learned so much about Cancer over the past decade or so. The disease has become so common that the subject matter is unavoidable at this point in society, so please people STOP AVOIDING THE REALITY OF IT. I always say and have seen proof that DENIAL is considerably detrimental to us when we don't face up to facts. I have seen people nearly lose their lives and seen people nearly lose out on the life of a loved one due to their severe denial of what is actually happening and the fear of how bad things could be that they deny the severity of it altogether. 

This mentality does not solve the problem at all. The problem will go on and escalate with or without your conscious acknowledgement. However it could have a better outcome if you address it honestly and responsibly with early detection, addressing any medical concerns (including bladder and bowel abnormalities, pain, digestion problems, inflammation, bleeding, discharge- even from nipples etc), improving your diet, self-care (sufficient sleep, moderate exercise, massages, baths, relaxing activities and reduced stress), as well as remaining fully informed of your medical circumstance by your Doctors. I am telling first-hand that having honest, respectful and caring Doctors make all the difference for anyone in a health crisis such as being diagnosed with Cancer! In addition to that, doing your own research about the problem and the solution is INVALUABLE. 

This traumatic disease isn't going anywhere and it's affecting us at younger ages. I just hope that as we get better informed as a global society that we learn to manage it better. 

I know that many people and organisations (especially large corporations) talk about raising money for Cancer and what have you, which is good and well but there is little value in raising money for something that you may know little about, furthermore if the money raised hardly provides a cure that reaches the masses. In saying that, raise money where it's effective to the cause such as medical research, oncology wards, patient supplies, treatments etc. More so raise your own AWARENESS about Cancer on a wide scale such as its symptoms, mark numbers, statistics (e.g. mortality rates, aggression of Cancer), causes and prevention (food, environment, house and beauty products "Yeah!") and healthcare facilities.

Other than early detection, a hot climate and stabilising a good healthy (alkaline and vegan) diet, there are formal medical treatments and cures for Cancer of recent discovery. To which I have mentioned in past blog posts about Black History regarding Doctors who have found cures and better procedures for Prostate and Breast Cancer. I am sure that they will be expensive but for those who want to look into alternatives from Chemo/Radiotherapy, it is worth doing the research if necessary. Just remain informed, conscious, sensitive to the suffering of it, realistic of the situation yet positive to get through it. 


USEFUL RESOURCES:
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/
https://www.worldcancerday.org/understanding-cancer
https://www.canceralliance.co.uk/
https://www.bmecancer.com/ (Cancer Alliance for Ethnic Minorities in UK)
https://www.cancer.gov/grants-training (Healthcare Funding USA)
https://www.gmc-uk.org/concerns (General Medical Council UK- to report a practitioner)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-48600926 (BBC report on Worst Places for Cancer Care in UK)
https://cannabiscure.info/cancer-fighting-foods/
https://www.cherryblossomintimates.com/ (Prosthetic breasts and nude lingerie for Black women)
(Medical Marijuana for Cancer inc. children)
(Dr. Sebi's books and videos on his cures for terminal illnesses inc. Cancer)


#KnowledgeisPower #WorldCancerDay

Wednesday, 20 November 2019

I Growl, They Laugh

Earlier this month I made a second appearance as a featured act at the feminist poetry night She Grrrowls that took place at the famous Poetry Cafe. It was a great crowd as they were beautifully receptive, out for a good time, respectful and encouraging to everyone who came on the mic both timid and confident. As there were a couple of shy stage virgins on board, I was happy for them to have their first time performing be to such a welcoming crowd as it can be intimidating if not traumatising otherwise.

When I say that the crowd was out for a good time they really were, although I am no stranger to making people laugh or being unintentionally comedic, my poems surprisingly had the crowd cracking up throughout which was an unexpected yet pleasant surprise. To laugh, cheer and smile is a beautiful thing that I love to experience and see from others. Glad I could be responsible for it!

I performed three poems; an emotional one regarding Mother's Day where like I stated a few blog posts ago, tears and high emotions have been the reoccurring theme the past year. One from my book which was unplanned and only happened due to the lovely Host recognising me from my play that she attended last year and quoted back her favourite lines to me! That was the highlight of my evening actually.

Lastly (well I actually performed it at the beginning of my set and it is the only one that the Promoter uploaded this time around and a good choice of the three, however I luckily recorded the audio of my entire performance to later upload onto my Soundcloud page for the visually impaired), but 'lastly' in regard to the order of information I am giving you, I performed a poem for all my chocoholics out there who will find great appreciation in the matter at hand.

As well as the joy of performing to a fantastic crowd, selling copies of my precious debut book topped the evening to great heights. It never gets old I'm telling you!

I wish the angle of the video recording was more flattering of my hairstyle and murderous outfit of which you cannot see my matching over-the-knee suede boots but alas. Self-consciousness aside, I am just glad that between the staff and myself, the joyous poetry was captured. You can watch a third of my set via the YouTube link and share with chocolate lovers in mind ;-)


@LK_ReelDeevah


Friday, 25 October 2019

Our History MATTERS

Black people continue to fight for so much everyday that it is mind boggling. We continue to fight for respect, equality, respectful acknowledgement of our history which includes our presence in ancient times across nations even when it is indigenous to our own people and territory hence EGYPT. Funnily enough, I have seen three documentaries made this month by different people discussing the same subject of their shocking revelation to discover that these Africans were Black (the Kushites, the darker people in the hieroglyphics that overthrow the brown people who were BLACK to begin with). Having to write that sentence is so embarrassing. Today we still have to fight discrimination and disenfranchisement against the law, systematic imprisonment, being murdered by police regularly, the education system, employment exclusion, housing whether it's for home ownership or the economic infrastructure of social housing. The ongoing history of these problems speaks for themselves.

Now among all the above we are fighting for the promotion and general enjoyment of celebrating Black History Month, REALLY! Last year when I found out that Hillingdon and Wandsworth Borough Council among others, are putting an end to Black History Month with their funding and promotion within their boroughs to replace it with 'Diversity Month,' if not just get rid of it all together I was livid. Livid, shocked but cynically unsurprised because again it presents a new fight for us to face with the battle of not having our four week limited duration over-shadowed with Halloween and now numerous awareness campaigns.

What about children who are going to grow up with no reflections of themselves as an example of history makers and will not know better because society has failed them? Do you know how insulting it is to go to libraries or even book stores and see not one small display or poster about a government initiated month dedicated to your people that has contributed so much to the country and has been both robbed of so much? Even more so, by that same country who are now seemingly refusing you?

For example there was undeniable excessive marketing of LBGT Month that actually went on for months before and after, between train stations, banks, supermarkets, general merchandise as well as general advertising and social media, yet no such effort or consideration put into Black History Month. I understand that it was the 50th anniversary of The Stonewall Uprising however, the increasing annual lack of nationwide marketing for BHM in comparison to LGBT Month is disconcerting. Our local councils highly promote Diwali with signage, newsletters, local newspaper headlines that they set aside a budget for and yet WE get slowly erased and replaced as if it is not important. It is insulting, infuriating and highly disrespectful. This is a fine example of why many of us 'woke' folk have to say and demonstrate that "Black Lives Matter."

In 2017 when I found out about the Black British play Black Heroes Musical that took place throughout the 90's, which apparently was a ground-breaking production both audience and impact-wise, I was mainly shocked to learn of its impact on adult Black Britons who were completely unaware of certain Black historic figures until having seen the play, as opposed to me being surprised of its overall success. Hearing some say "Many of us didn't know about all that" was very sad to me. I think that because many people depend on schools to be educated and informed, when they are not informed with something formally they disregard the possibility of it unless having come across it via the news, film or television if not word of mouth.

If BHM is going to be diminished and ignored by the British powers that be who refuse to pay us our dues. Then I will do what I can to balance out that non-sense. My people's accomplishments, battles, genocide, defeats, contributions to the world and what have you shall not be silenced! I have gathered up some key people representing Black excellence and key moments in Black history, for you to acknowledge and admire. Much of the following content is from a poem of mine that is too long to perform, I was even booked for two appearances at the same show last year to spread the poem across my performances, therefore I thought it best to write all this wonderful info in a blog for you all to research further at your own discretion.


Oswald Dixon- Jamaican born RAF serviceman who served in WWII. Dixon became a centenarian earlier this year but passed away last month. His passing led to an online campaign from someone that knew of him who reached out to the public on social media to attend his funeral, considering that he had no known living relatives. The care home that Dixon was staying at prior to his death posted the details of his funeral on Facebook, word of mouth gained momentum and the Manchester based funeral had an overwhelming turn out of around 300 people who came to pay their respects! I have never seen anything like this, my heart was so warmed. It was stunning to see him receive a proper formal army funeral with soldiers on standby, soldiers carrying his coffin and all choreographically aligned. All I saw was uniforms, badges, flags and honour. None of it looked spontaneous, I've no idea where they got the time and money to prepare. Jamaicans were certainly there to represent and the young cadets looked so cute. It got plenty of media coverage thus his legacy was well highlighted and shall now live on.


Dr. Rose Hudson-Wilkin moved to the UK from Jamaica as a child, became a Reverend and this year I read about her becoming the first Black woman appointed as Bishop by the Church of England. Like I said in my tweet at the time; it is hard enough for women to climb the ranks in the clergy let alone a Black woman among White men, along with her being foreign to the country in question. From seeing the not-so-old news clip of the Pope being asked about gay rights during his world tour, where he responded swiftly by saying that one day there may be a gay Pope but not a woman- and we are talking about the Catholic church here. I was left gobsmacked as were the Reporters present. I thought that his influence as well as other similar minds in the clergy would have made it impossible for women to climb the ranks. This is just an unexpected pleasant surprise with all that was against her but then again most of our accomplishments are, good for her.


I have read some pretty inspiring stories in my day but the ones that come from young people, as in under 16yrs old are very inspiring to me such as the 14yr old I read in either Essence or Ebony magazine in the early 2000's, who was making and selling burgers that got so popular that a big company bought his business from him making him a child millionaire. It was from that child entrepreneur turned Public Speaker, who I learned the mindset of not dismissing possibilities of achieving big goals despite age and economic demographic with the motto "Why not me?" If I remembered his name I'll send him a Thank-you tweet for that. Anyway, the young person who has inspired me of late is William Kamkwamba, who wanted to learn how to provide renewable energy and at age 14 through reading library books he taught himself how to build a windmill. That windmill powered his house and since then he has built at least two more to power his village in Malawi, Africa. The film based on his diligence The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind featuring Chiwetel Ejiofor is a fine example of what should be in the national TV guide this month.


Gladys West- Learning about this woman this year elated me a great deal. Similar to the female Mathematicians and Engineers featured in the hit film Hidden Figures, West has finally been acknowledged as one of the key inventors of the GPS system. Too many decades later by December 2018 was she inducted into the Air Force Space and Missiles Hall of Fame! I am pretty sure that the inexcusable delay to her recognition, wide exposure, praise and accolade is being corrected mainly due to the success of that 2016 film and all the enquiries of the women's input that followed after. I found out that it was through West studying for her PhD in her later age where attention of her career to the press initially peaked. The GPS much like the internet is a part of our everyday technology driven lives. This is huge news!


Dr. Patricia Bath is an Optometrist who became the first Black female in America to secure a medical patent. Bath developed the Laserphaco Probe in 1986 as a tool to treat Cataracts and restore sight with less pain. That is the year that I was born as I will continue to boast, as it is the year that many other significant things happened however, that invention is highly impressive and indeed miraculous to people who have lost their sight.


Phillis Wheatley- An African slave kidnapped and brought to America and Europe who became educated to read and write English. Wheatley became one of the first Black women to publish a book of poetry by 1773. A plaque of her and her literary achievements has been unveiled by Black History Walks earlier this year in London. As a Poet myself, you can imagine my sense of pride when I first learned of her.


When you hear the of The Civil Rights Movement, the masses immediately think of the American South in the 1950's and the march on Washington, as if that is the root of Civil Rights protests for the liberation of Black people but this is not the case. It got the most media attention and may have had the biggest impact but was certainly not the beginning. Civil Rights Activists across the world existed beforehand such as Dr. Harold Moody, who came to England from Jamaica in 1904 to study medicine. Despite the racism he experienced he became a qualified Physician and British Civil Rights Activist who founded The League of Coloured Peoples in 1931 at the YMCA. In honour of this leader of the British Civil Rights Movement, a special ceremony for the unveiling of his plaque at that very same YMCA in Central London, took place earlier this year in association with Black History Walks. There was actually a plaque made in his honour in 1995 however, I cannot find any further details to confirm where although I have seen images to prove that it exists.


Diahann Carroll- The first African American Actress to play the lead in a prime time television series Julia, that did not portray a negative stereotype. In 1997 Carroll also became the first Black celebrity to launch a signature fashion line. With that said she kind of reminds me of when Josephine Baker launched her hair gel and tanning cream (for White women who idolized her) in France in the 1920's. Carroll was long recognised as a Hollywood icon praised for her work between the stage, film and TV, perhaps her most familiar role was playing a villain in the glamorous 80's soap Dynasty. Sadly, she died from Cancer this month.


John Singleton was a film student from Los Angeles, turned youngest Oscar 'Best Director' nominee in the history of the awards at only 23yrs old. Singleton is known for his classic Black 90's films including his Oscar nominated and Un Certain Regard nominated film Boyz N the Hood that debuted at the Cannes Film Festival. Singleton passed away in April this year. Singleton was one of my idols who I even listed as such in my university application for the Film and TV course, it went against me at the time but I don't regret my honesty. My favourite film of his was Higher Learning as I thought it was wonderfully written and my ratings shot up for him when I discovered that it was him who directed one of my favourite music videos of all time Remember The Time by Michael Jackson. As an aspiring Filmmaker who really looked up to his early work, I was devastated by his loss.


Simone Biles- Since the last Olympics I recall hearing this girl's name replace Gabby Douglas's at being the new Gymnast 'it girl' to look out for as she had just beaten a record at that time. I recall years ago her being described as "the most decorated female Gymnast" to date, therefore I have no idea why the news has been claiming it as such in recent months as if it is sudden news!? However, I will say that her name has been as dominating as Serena Williams (in any year especially since 2013) along with Naomi Osaka and Coco Gauff who have been making regular recent headlines in women's sports this year. The now 6 time title holder is making history not only for all of her gold medals for team USA but for new moves and sequences that have been named after her at her tender age! At least 2 moves are now called 'The Simone Biles' and she apparently is the first female to achieve a 'triple double.'


Continuing on with athletes, Dina Asher-Smith (pictured left), Katarina Johnson-Thompson and Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce (pictured centre) really made me their cheerleader this year. As a matter of fact you may have noticed that my list is full of Black Girl Magic and this is because of current media attention grabbing events the past year and the 'sheroes' that are responsible for it. It's glorious. These three Athletes are representing my countries of Team GB and JA wonderfully. Bias aside, they are good at what they do and I would not praise them otherwise.

Asher-Smith has been in sports news throughout the year for becoming the fastest woman in Britain or other but it was actually from her surprising front cover on Elle magazine that caught my attention. All three Athletes caused a great stir at the World Championships in Doha last month where they all won big. Fraser-Pryce stood out for not only winning gold to become the world's fastest woman but apparently being the oldest woman and first mother to do so at the time. There was in fact at least four other female Athletes who were returning to the track after maternity leave, times are changing people! And BIG UP to the double-barrel name crew including myself who often gets difficulty with it whenever I have to make a booking.


Nester Earnest Green aka Uncle Nearest, is the slave who has only till now been fully recognised as the slave who helped teach Jack Daniels how to make his famous whiskey. Uncle Nearest is also known as the 'Godfather of Tennessee Whiskey.' As overdue as it is, the good thing about the timing is what is being made of this relatively new information today. A lady named Fawn Weaver is extending his legacy by creating a whiskey in his honour called Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey and opening a distillery of where she is the CEO and Master Distiller. More admirably, Weaver took the initiative to interview over 100 of his relatives to keep her venture true to its name and founded the non-for-profit organisation Nearest Green Foundation. The foundation provides full tuition scholarships and books for the descendants of his family.


I learned of many fascinating, pioneering people this year that have accomplished fantastic things and I was happy to learn of two Afro-Latinos from similar locations who broke ground in two completely different fields. Noëlle Santos launched the only independent bookshop in the Bronx, New York (The Lit. Bar) since the last bookshop (a famous chain) closed down in 2016. If it wasn't for Twitter I would not have caught any of the Emmy Awards this year but I am glad I did as I watched the beautiful clip of when Jharrell Jerome won Outstanding Lead Actor for his role in the emotive Netflix drama When They See Us. Jerome became the first Afro-Latino nominated let alone to win, in this category at The Emmy's.

I still have yet to watch that series much like when I took forever to finally watch all of Roots, as I do not need to be reminded of the mistreatment and harsh realities for many of my people. It is a reoccurring story, therefore nothing new and incredibly sad. I don't need that. A simple news story of the facts will do and I actually read all the news articles about the infamous court case of which the series was based on and oh my..... so sad. I am very surprised that it was recognised by The Emmy's and nominated especially for an online streaming limited series, Netflix broke that barrier a while ago but it is still rare. Seeing this new young Actor be overwhelmed with shock, gratitude and graciousness knowing that he did his role justice in respect of the living man who he was playing, and to see all of the factual figures in the audience stand up with their fists held high.....oh my.....I was flooded with butterflies, tears and empathy.


Black women never get enough love when it comes to mainstream media, general ideals and judgement of beauty. Recent times have been particularly embarrassing as exposed on social media, YouTube and blogs when it comes to the ever-growing bizarre rejection from our own men- I don't even want to go there right now. One of the few things that I appreciated in the early 2000's when adults, politicians and parents were understandably complaining about the 'sexploitation' of women in Hip Hop videos, was that at least it praised the beauty of Black women in all our tones, natural curves, dress sense and hair styles- SWAG. Now you can't even find Black women in Hip Hop OR R'n'B videos!

Today's Black models have to have predecessor Black models campaign for them to be booked on catwalks of fashion shows because they are even rarer to find now than ten years prior. However I will say that Victoria's Secret fashion show pleasantly surprised me when I saw about 5-6 Black models last year despite E! Entertainment cutting them out of their video footage. To see these three beautiful unpredictable young women all be crowned as Beauty Queens the same year of the same country was astounding. Watching the videos of when they won, screamed and cried, made me cry with them just like the men at The Emmy's or like Jesse Jackson when Obama won the presidency. Needless to say Beauty Pageants are not of the same level of importance in my world but beauty standards unfortunately matter a great deal in our everyday lives, it effects how we are treated as people and as individuals. This historic event means the world to many of us. Representation and the respect given with it, is important, period. These Queens are history in the making.


Tyler Perry is a Playwright, Actor, Producer and Director. This month he got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame although he has fought the Hollywood system over the course of his string of hits. Years ago Perry became the first Black Filmmaker to own his own studio Tyler Perry Studios (under his production company TPS) however, in 2019 Perry purchased 330 acres of land to build a brand new prolific studio that rivals to stature of Paramount and Warner Bros. The epic grand opening gained headlines left, right and centre for its history making of being solely owned by a Black man as well as its magnitude. The studios include sound stages named after Black Hollywood icons, a theatre for his plays as at his previous studios, a backlot of international destinations, replica of The White House and a location for displaced trafficked females, victims of domestic abuse and LGBTQ youth. Kudos.


Ursula Burns first Black female CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Burn's career is one I would recommend looking up as her ascension is amazing. Since she stepped down from Xerox in 2017, although she is still on a few other corporate executive boards including Obama's STEM programme, her 'successor' Mary Winston became the second Black female CEO of a Fortune 500 company. In May 2019 Winston became the Interium CEO of Bed, Bath and Beyond.



As it is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month I am pleased to include these ladies; Dr. Hadiyah-Nicole Green (pictured) discovered a ground-breaking laser treatment for Breast Cancer (and for Naval Cancer by the way) that causes virtually no pain. Sierra Leone born medical student studying in Nigeria, Sandra Musujusu, also developed a new alternative treatment for Breast Cancer. The student's research has developed bio-degradable polymer material to fight Triple-negative Breast Cancer which as I learned when I was fundraising in 2011, is an aggressive form that typically affects Black women and does not respond well to traditional Cancer treatment.

During my research of general breast health I was overjoyed to come across a company called Cherry Blossom Intimates. This health and inclusion conscious company was founded by two women; Dr. Regina Hampton the Founder of The Breast Center at The Doctors Community Hospital and Jasmine Jones former Miss District of Columbia USA and Vice President of the Young Professional Council of Breast Care for Washington. These two women have had their own experiences of loved ones with the disease, who consequently had difficulty with the aftermath of the dramatic changes of their bodies and the need for certain underwear (to feel womanly). The business serves a great service of building esteem for women who have survived Breast Cancer or had mastectomies. Cherry Blossom Intimates is very impressive as is the actual boutique that I saw from their website. Brilliant minds doing brilliant things where it is much needed.


The sight of Black female Judges or any Black person in a position of power and high professional role is of no shock to me, depending on the hierarchy of the role among their counterparts that is. Although the matter of where, does also make all the difference. In saying that, coming across the random Twitter news of 19 Black female Judges that were all elected into judgeship last year in the state of TEXAS, blew me away. The South will always have the stigma of its Jim Crow existence and events so to see or even hear of this was like, wow! A woman of any colour reaching any position of power is hard, so I can only imagine their struggle and strength to maintain it being women of colour, in an industry that often works against them and as residents of their controversial state...wow. I am proud, impressed and gobsmacked that so many of them made it and at the same time. THIS IS HISTORY PEOPLE.


Being a foodie by education, career, hobby and habit, I was keen to learn of these Black Inventors who created very useful kitchen utensils that we use in everyday life and certainly revolutionised the cooking industry as we know it today. Frederick M. Jones (pictured) is known for his development of refrigeration equipment, most of which was used in trucks to transport food and blood during WWII. In 1944 he was the first African America to be elected into the American Society of Refrigeration Engineers. In 1991 he also became the first to be awarded the National Medal of Technology. A self-taught Engineer with over 60 patents to his name! J.W Reed, was the inventor of the rolling pin made with handles and a metal rod inside by 1864. Alexander P. Ashbourne invented the biscuit cutter in 1875. George W. Carver created peanut butter in 1896. John Thomas White invented the lemon squeezer in 1893. Ice Cream makers can thank Alfred L. Cralle for inventing the convenient scoop in 1897.


Toni Morrison- A fellow Writer and Author, who like some of the icons already mentioned also passed away this year. I had not heard her name in a while other than being mixed in with the news of Maya Angelou's death a couple of years ago but Morrison's name was highly praised during her own death of course. Cheltenham Literary Festival, which supposedly is the first literary festival in the world, had a nice segment dedicated to her in the programme of their recorded events this month.




When I was about 7yrs old I wanted to be an Architect but with Maths and DT not being my strengths at school, I knew that I was not going to persevere with that goal so my creativity took on new ambitions. However, that childhood desire still resonates every time I watch a property show and it really reignited when I found out about the Black Females in Architecture (BFA). It left me enthusiastic for other little girls and university students who carry that ambition but may feel daunted with the 'deceleration' of not being a White male. BFA was recently founded by four Black British women; Selasi Setyfe, Akua Danso, Alisha Fisher and Neba Sere. They were frustrated at the disenfranchisement of the professionals in their industry that marginalised Black female talent, they started this network that offers mentorship and events throughout the year that connect Black women across disciplines of their industry. Today the network has a large following that continues to grow, again I am proud and impressed with all the press that they have been receiving.  It is an overlooked issue that is getting more attention now much like with what Tiffany Brown in light of the 400th registered licensed Black female Architect in America, by forming her 400 Forward programme.


Leslie Irby is the first known Black American woman to receive her pilots licence. After a collusion in 2013 that left her paralyzed and wheelchair bound, Irby did not give up on her ambitions of flying. In fact joined Able Flight that assists people with disabilities in aviation and essentially passed her goals with flying colours, pun intended. This lady and anyone with disabilities who has achieved great things truly astound me, as expressed in a recent post about trying to cater to the blind.


There are other key events in Black history to learn about such as Britain's 1919 Riots, The Haitian Revolution, the South African Bus Boycotts of 1957, Bristol Bus Boycott 1963, Apartheid in South Africa, Genocide of Haitians by the Dominican Republic government (on several occasions but the 1930's in particular), Black Lives Matter in Jerusalem (police and the government vs East-African Jews), Human Trafficking in Liberia RIGHT NOW (a horrid example of modern day slavery), Black Lives Matter (BLM, originally founded in America) the movement in general across USA following the murders of unarmed Black people (primarily Trayvon Martin which was not a police incident but reflected the unjust law system against Black victims). The Windrush Scandal of 2018 the same year of the 70th Anniversary of Windrush.

You may be astonished to know that the Black race became officially incorporated as an option in the Census of Mexico and Peru by 2016-17. History has been made with much needed bills being passed this year such as The Crown Act 2019 in California, following NYC banning hair discrimination in the workplace. Chinese corporate imperialism from 2004 to my knowledge, as I have written before is certainly Black history in the unfortunate making. Beyond Africa it has recently stretched to Guyana, Jamaica and some other predominantly Black countries, as well as Far East Asia. The Take a Knee silent protest famously led by Colin Kaepernick, 'avalanched' across American sports from high school games into controversial press, raising a much needed nation-to-worldwide conversation about the dispute of the national anthem and why booking a high profile performer for the Super Bowl has now become a political issue.

This took me forever to write, literally days spread over a couple of weeks. That is because I wanted to do my people proud, inform as much as I could with readability and attention span in mind. To be honest the topic in question at this heightened time of frustration has become too passionate therefore provoked my perfectionism to overthink and procrastinate. I can't stand when that happens. British television programming has been so disrespectful with their strategic neglect this year that it makes me want to pull every one of the decision maker's hairs out.

Every day for the past few weeks on television of which I have paid great attention, I have searched for such promotion and there is practically nothing. Tonight is the first time all month that I have seen an advert specifically about BHM advertised outside of BET and this was on Channel 4. Channel 4 also had the documentary about the Warrior Women in Africa aka Amazons. Bear in mind that this one-off documentary appeared between their many showings of repeated irrelevant programming as with ITV's channels that disappointingly but frequently only featured Blade (at 11pm).

Weeks ago on BBC1 (the website serves far greater Black history than their television programming) two non-promoted sub-par documentaries were featured around MIDNIGHT as they like to slot us into, again the arranged minimal programmes came with a scheduling insult. Channel 5 (across the franchise) continues to show unrelated documentaries, unnecessary films that they have already shown months and years prior yet they cannot feature a film of Black historic relevance. There are plenty to choose from such as Amistad, Rosewood, Red Tails, Hidden Figures, Belle, 12 Years of Slave, Long Road to Freedom, The Butler, Winnie, Chocolat, Birth of a Nation or Selma to name A FEW.

They could have at least shown a family film with a Black lead such as Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Whoopi Goldberg, Samuel L. Jackson, Eddie Murphy or Queen Latifah, as mainstream examples who offer plenty of options. The same goes for Film4 who regularly repeat old comedy and action films however, two days out of this month so far I have seen two unknown, unadvertised Black films listed as their 'Black History Month' specials scheduled for 23:45-02:45. The only films with a Black lead that I have seen in the TV listings was Blade and Get Out that were both repeated by the second week of BHM. They're having a laugh as they know damn well that those should have been saved till the fourth week for the sake of relevance. It is just some negligent, disrespectful bullcrap.

Black History Month might as well not exist where television is concerned, in fact all these 5-20yr old whitewashed films in rotation are highly likely to reappear next month anyway. Throughout October I have seen tons of scheduled documentaries about the British monarchy that again are repetitive and irrelevant to this month, many on the Nazi's and Hitler (as I've seen all year), a documentary about the Kings Cross Fire of which the anniversary is NEXT MONTH and they are suspiciously programming a bunch of documentaries on the Victorians, the Vikings, the Edwardian period and you probably guessed it, Henry VIII. They could have easily shown or commissioned something about the Black Tudors since one of Henry VIII's Trumpeters was a Black man. For goodness sake, we already know that the man couldn't keep a wife as we all learned it in school as children, it's in many books and films for the next generation thus we will continue to hear of him forever. LET US HAVE OUR MONTH! It is SO RUDE.

Any of those valuable time slots could have gone to some informative, entertaining and new content of Black significance. The Executives making all the decisions to acquire and schedule content know exactly what they are doing. Decisions like these in media are not made blindly, there may be coincidences once in a while but no such mistakes. Even Comedy Central, Sony Movies and MTV (the nerve) keep screening the same played out films that most of which do not have any Black characters it is so extremely offensive. They could have even had one film per day with a Black lead if not all Black cast, showing 6-10pm or two Black films in a row on the weekend (within the same hours) to show some respect as they would for the Holocaust anniversary or Halloween. Instead they overtly choose to insult Black audiences with their content and scheduling by putting up their middle finger in this subliminal way.

It is up to us to not just protest and formally complain in order to see changes, but more effectively TO TEACH and LEARN what they won't teach in school or in mainstream media our damn selves. Regardless if it takes 15 pages of getting your point across. "HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH PEOPLE" even though we should celebrate it every day.


Monday, 21 October 2019

Love Crime

When I came across these ghastly animated pictures about five years ago, it disrupted my brain as it startled me and ruined my Disney image, then I came to realise that this was of course the point. Alexsandro Palombo the Artist who created these images, similar to Saint Hoax's campaign in 2014, was campaigning against Domestic Violence with these and smartly chose such images to affect our consciousness with familiar, iconic animated characters and to perhaps have women question the ideals we've been given of finding our 'Prince Charming.' There is a line in my poem Mummy, Wolf! where I say 'I felt like my Prince Charming was turning into a villain.' With that said, years later after having written those words I understand Palombo's images even more, as my writing and his pictures parallel each other in that respect.


I feel that all the news stories, confessions and unfortunate gossip, of females suffering at the hands of their male partners, is becoming far too frequent to the point of it becoming predictable, normal even and as a result we as a society are becoming desensitised to the issue at hand. I have expressed many times in conversation, through my poetry, social posts and surely on this blog, that I strongly feel that there is a sinister rise in misogyny for some unjustified reason. It is not normal or sane to behave this way especially towards your love interest. In a time where laws are wider spread and meant to be stronger to protect women against this kind of behaviour, we are being confronted with more and more news of spousal abuse and fatalities as a result.

How is that possible unless something is invoking a hatred towards women for men to feel the need to carry on this way with no concern of the law or consequences? It is beyond strange. When racism and hate crimes increase it is typically due to social or political changes. So what on earth has taken place in the past decade to make it come to this in regard to gender based abuse and sever anti-social behaviour?

I honestly see it as a male issue that needs to be addressed because something clearly isn't right here. It wasn't right in the stone ages or the 50's therefore it certainly is not right to regress as modern society. It is as if males are being taught that it is normal and perfectly fine to attack females if and when they feel to. The laws and teachings at schools obviously are not strong enough. It is also bizarre that domestic violence seems to be becoming more common at a younger age in today's date despite the wave of female empowerment. Something is wrong here.

In July there were at least three news stories I read of in regard to young women 18-27 years of age who died at the hands of their current or previous partner. For the life of me I do not understand how an ex truly feels they have the right to harm you especially if you are with someone new. Reminds me of an article I read from Yahoo News in 2014 about a MMA fighter who attacked his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend leaving both of them hospitalised. The woman was left with both broken and lost teeth, bruises on her face, a broken arm and broken ribs so I recall. Not to mention the gob-smacking CCTV footage of the American Footballer Ray Rice who knocked out his wife in the hotel lift and dragged her with no remorse whatsoever. It's all truly horrific and this is exactly what I mean when I say we should widen the conversation of 'mental health' beyond anxiety and depression, to also bring it to this regular problematic behaviour as it is madness.


These perpetrators are mentally ill and should not be excused for it by any means (such as to have a reduced sentence by claim of insanity in court), because as unstable as their minds were at the time they were also of a conscious sound mind with their actions and like in many cases their violent crimes towards their lover was pre-meditated. However, these culprits are emotionally unstable thus unhealthy on a whole and need help, as well as heavy convictions. Psychological treatment for abusive people of any kind and teachings for everyone on how to prevent it in the first place should be accessible and widespread. I would love for mental health and effective treatment to be addressed during this Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

At least the Husband Schools in Sierra Leone that I read about a few years ago, as well as the non-violence towards females training for boys alongside self-defence classes for girls in Kenya have been introduced in recent years. I was also glad to read about self-defence classes for elderly women in shanty towns of Kenya whom have become vulnerable targets of sexual assault. Effective initiatives like these is what we need worldwide including the West, evidently. I can only hope that the statics have gone down in Fiji from when I learned nearly a decade ago that they had the highest rate of domestic violence fatalities among women, in the world at the time. To hope for Husband Schools to be brought to Fiji for its main purpose of reducing violence towards women maybe wishful thinking I hate to admit.


Last year I watched a documentary on Bloomberg or CNN about a female Rapper in Mexico who launched self-defence classes for women in Mexico. The Rapper felt the urgent need to do this because rape and violence against girls and women had become so bad that a local curfew (not sure if it is an unofficial curfew or not) had to be put into place to ensure women's safety by encouraging them to not be out after dark! Enforcing a curfew on adult women instead of placing more Police or CCTV on the streets was very much alarming to see however, as alarmed as I was the Rapper's story was inspiring at the same time as she herself was a victim of sexual assault. It was therapeutic for her to empower and protect women of her community, while building back her own inner power at the same time.

There was a time when cultural and economic differences made all the difference, in regard to high rates of certain crimes such as rape and domestic abuse, but now like I've said it just seems like more of a male mentality problem rather than a geographic or economic status problem. However the tolerance of it is still considerably different depending on the demographic. Did you know, and this I learned from Italian Actress Monica Belluci, that in Italy if a man murder's his wife it is apparently considered a 'love crime' and he will not be charged with murder, at least not first degree murder. Whereas if a woman kills her husband it is not seen as a 'love crime' and she therefore gets charged for murder, unsure of what degree but it is still a sexist level of sentencing. The world we live in is intolerably unjust.

When I performed my topical poem at Moetry in August it was the week that I had seen the shocking video of Breaunna Dunn, a young lady in Baltimore who was being punched by her boyfriend on a public bus. That video of a bystander recording the incident and calling out both the victim and the abuser to put an end to the abuse, had gone viral and struck a chord with many. It was terrifying to watch as you saw a completely far gone young woman, trapped by his overbearing power over her and out of fear she chose to follow him off of the bus as he demanded, regardless of everyone's horror and someone offering help. I couldn't sleep that night after seeing that because all I felt was fear and worry for her and others who I knew of in similar situations past and present.

The night before seeing that video I also found out about a relative of mine, although not the first sad to say, being attacked by their ex-partner. The day of the show I read in a newspaper about an older woman who was viciously killed by her ex-partner, even closer to home for me it was the month of the first anniversary that my school friend was murdered by her boyfriend who stabbed her to death. The timing was just unbelievably ironic yet necessary. I have yet to see the video recording of my performance and would rather not anyway but in the meantime you can hear the audio that I recorded myself. I had a standing ovation, plenty random warm hugs and compliments that followed with heartfelt testimonies of personal experiences that mirrored my content. My poem shook the entire room and received a great, humbling applause, it was definitely a memorable performance.


LISTEN TO AUDIO OF LIVE PERFORMANCE

The title of my poem which I in fact began writing three years ago, explains the accompanying image that I graphic designed as seen above. Colourful yet dark such as the theme of most folklore literature. I like fairy tales as much as the next person but at the same time, especially in recent times of analysis, I cannot help but recognise the dark reoccurring themes of death, violence and abuse between the different stories. When I wrote Mummy, Wolf! it was stemming from a conversation that I had with my grandmother years ago when she warned me about a man raising his hand to me and said "Men are wolves in sheep clothing." It is one of the smartest, most empathetic poems I have ever written. 

Three years ago the poem began light with the tale of falling for a bad boy however, it ended up being heavier when completing it this year, with the deeper theme of the bad boy hitting me (not in real life). I developed the poem as such out of anger from all the current domestic violence news stories including my friend's death. Moetry wasn't the first time I performed it, it was the second but most impactful as it was to a bigger crowd. Afterwards, a girl came up to me to say that I was reading her life and she couldn't believe the similar storyline and how she could not see her abuse for what it was while it was happening. Fact has it that I wrote the poem on much of what I had seen and heard from various people, the news and even films (What's Love Got to Do With It etc) acknowledging that they were practically all the same events no matter the generation, race or country. 

The Netflix film Roxanne, Roxanne was one of the motivations to complete the poem in a more dramatic 'let's be real and address toxic relationships' manner. I strongly recall being fuelled with rage after feeling the familiarity of many young impressionable women from that film. I wanted to write something powerful that I could perform and present as a wake-up call to all the females in the audience who no doubt a large amount of, would have been through or are going through that sh*t and need to be reminded of the dangers. Also, the males in the potential audience would need to hear it as a wake-up call to check themselves. I just wanted everyone to check themselves and fix up as a result or at least help someone who they know is in such as situation. It was my protest.

I also appreciated how domestic violence was addressed on the TV series Star and Big Little Lies from the different angle of having a doting male partner beating up his woman then feeling guilty afterwards "You know I'd never want to hurt you. You know I love you." That so called guilt and emotional blackmail excused the antagonists actions each time. The Writers and Directors of those shows addressed the denial element on both sides very well. Therefore with those added influences, I knew what I was writing would be relatable, emotional, semi-predictable and hopefully enlightening to those who needed to be enlightened. This is everyday behaviour, where well over 10yrs ago when it seemed less common the statistic was that a woman reports domestic violence or a death is reported as a result of domestic violence every 3mins in America alone! The cycle will not end until it is thorough addressed and fought!



My heart goes out to anyone living in fear of their partner or who has ever experienced the horror of physical abuse. This week I was saddened to hear of Tisha Campbell's violent past with Duane Martin, who indeed appeared as an admirable loving couple to many for nearly 20 years. I was also sad to see the pictures of the bruises that LisaRaye McCoy unveiled during the divorce from her husband the Premier of Turks of Caicos that ended with much scandal. Years ago when Kelly Rowland and Tyra Banks shared their experiences of emotional and verbal abuse from their ex-boyfriends, of course that was sad too but for me it was more so menacing. Just like when Christina Milian spoke of the abuse that she experienced as a late teen; it is the power that they have over you mentally that controls everything as she shared on her reality show. Too right, emotional abuse is about control and that is a key factor here. I do commend Milian on co-launching the domestic violence app Stop Attack to save women in immediate need of help.

Halle Berry has spoken openly about her past abusive relationship in her twenties. I was impressed and proud of her determination to not be 'a victim' and how she has gone on to empower other women at risk. Not only by spreading awareness but by volunteering regularly at a women's refuge shelter and working with charities. I was happy to see her being awarded for her ongoing work at BET Honor's a few years ago, it was beautiful.

Like the famous women mentioned above have said on public platforms, it is important to know and look out for signs of domestic abuse within someone or potential abusive behaviour to come. There are always signs; such as random outbursts, unjust jealousy, comparing you to others or comparing you to them self as if to compete in a negative way, critising you harshly, belittling you, calling you out of your name, trying to control you whether it be with money (very common), with your phone (deleting numbers, going through it), controlling what you wear and who you hang out with etc. None of this is healthy or warranted. We all know in our hearts and from our instincts if the actions from another is coming from a positive place or not.

Emotional abuse, controlling tactics and manipulation is how it usually starts to see what they can get away with. Small acts of disrespect to test you, then one day it gets physical. The worst thing you can do is to stay after once that happens, or even to stay after a series of non-physical disrespectful behaviour towards you as previously described. You are not powerless, that is just an emotion that abusers want you to feel. For those that feel trapped I understand that you may be scared to leave but it will be scarier to stay. The relationship and disrespect will only get worse. To remain compliant of their disrespect basically grants them permission to continue treating you that way because you have allowed it. 



Whether you are in such a relationship or you are a loved one looking at a relationship with concern please pay attention to the signs so that you can put a stop to it. Parents, it all starts at home, firmly teach your sons that it is not ok to hurt women. Girls should be taught not to hit either of course but don't teach them to be defenseless. Growing up, older women always warned me that a man will attempt to hit me someday and basically told me to prepare myself, as if boys weren't told to respect females and how to control their temper WTF. 

Those conversations were had with me since I was 11yrs old. Within a year of the first warning I started to see boys being violent towards girls at school, bulling them basically however it kept me aware and defensive of such behaviour. I hate to witness bullying of any kind. Silent bystanders are also at fault and that is who I refuse to be. Silence teaches bullies that they can get away with their nonsense and wreak havoc, I have seen this at school, at university and within homes of parents who choose not to discipline their troublesome child. What you are taught or allowed to get away with as a child is usually what you'll end up practicing as an adult. 

The incident with Breaunna Dunn on the bus was important not because of the public display but because the woman recording stepped in to stop it. The abuser would have kept beating his girlfriend if everyone stayed as silent as the men standing nearby like it was not a problem which I thought was pathetic and more devastating to the situation. We need to be more authoritative as a society, especially when it 'disrupts the peace' or our environments and affects our children by what they see. We can all do our part.

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth